Inspiration: Ramona Flowers

I want blue hair and rollerblades.

I'm in lesbians with her and this movie. I tend to dress like her during the winter so now I have even more inspiration for extra layers. Believe it or not California does drop below 70 degrees. It's currently 40 degreases outside and sometimes it gets into the 30s, shocking, I know. Leather, surplus green, hoodies, fingerless gloves, tights with lace up boots. Yes please. And how could I forget the red lipstick?

I wish I could find a boy who would fight for me.

Today I also picked up November's Nylon and Elle UK with Alexa Chung on the cover. I needed something to feed my recent need for fashion. UK fashion magazines are just so much better than US magazines. I don't care if I have to pay an extra $6, it's well worth it. I will live in the UK some day, mark my words. I feel like I would fit in and make something of myself far easier there than I would anywhere else. Plus no sun = forever pale perfection.

xx

Goodbye October

(flannel from best friend's closet, American Apparel drawstring tank dress, hat from hat store in downtown Sacramento, boots by Doc Marten, messenger bag by MARC by MARC)

I've been slacking on updating this blog. These are photos from my trip to the pumpkin patch on Saturday. I carved my first pumpkin later that night. I'm already having Halloween withdrawals. Now it's on to the two months I probably hate the most. I always find myself to be extra lonely around the holidays.

I need to learn that it's ok to be alone sometimes. I need to start living for myself. I need to stop feeling as though I need the constant love of another person to feel happy. Although it'd be nice to finally find someone. Someone nice and respectful. Someone who is content being with just me, only me, and accept me for exactly who I am. No more games. No indecision. Is that too much to ask for? Every time I feel like I have that person and give them my heart that person proves me wrong. I just want to receive the same kind of love that I give.

I've lost my way with words lately.

xx

strawberry ice cream cone

Decided to finally give this site a try. I still plan to use my Tumblr, I will be posting updates on both this and that. The past week I have been helping a friend put on a show, which explains my lack of updating. I have been costume designer, set building assistant, and the obvious job of make up artist. I am so worn out from my 9am-12am days, but I love every second I spend with my best friend. Spent my night sewing a leotard.

I feel like I am in such a rut. A place where I can't decipher what I want and what I don't. I have began to unintentionally force my mind to only think in the moment and push thoughts of the future away, which may or may not be a bad thing.

All I want from this year is to find out what I'm living for. Where I belong. My niche in this crazy world. Be comfortable and happy with myself. I can't take the easy way out. Need to let go. Wild at heart but too scared to show it. Work through the anxiety. Tomorrow is a new day with a million possibilities.

xx